To Torture or Not to Torture
by Becki3
Summary: 3rd chapter up, unfortunately for Heero. G-boys captured. Insane author. Cuddly lil' sidekick. G-boys force to sing song parodies. That sort of stuff.
1. Default Chapter

Me: "Welcome one and all to my little fanfic. I do not own Gundam Wing, the

song that will appear in this fic, and many other things, but please do not

sure me cause I'm not making a profit from this fic. Also all you would get

would be a broken umbrella (which you can keep), a pair of new socks, and a

Hiei pin. Now I'll begin my fic."

Inu-chan: "....Isn't this part of the fic....you're only going to drag them

here with stupid remote of yours."

Me: "Hmmm...I guess it is then." *Happily pulls out magic remote and presses

a button."

Wufei: "Ch'! Not again!!"

Inu-chan: "It seems that people like kidnapping---OWW *rubs head, mutters*

Stupid author...Well like I meant to say was that it seems people like

borrowing the G-boys."

Trowa: *Blinks*

Me: "Welcome to my humble abode, where you'll be my guests-

Inu-chan: "Victims"

Me: "Hey!" *bonks Inu-chan again*

Quatre: "First,,,whose you're favorite?"

Me: "Duo-kun!" *glomps Duo*

Quatre: "Phew."

OOC Me: "I've always found it that most authors that drag the G-boys into

their fics seem to have Quatre as a favorite character.

Duo-kun: "Ack!!!" *Glomped*

Wufei: *snickers*

Me: *narrows eyes*

Inu-chan: "Wufei has apparently not learned not to mess with authors that

are high on sugar."

Me: "Wellll now time for what I really brought you guys here for." *Evil

grin*

Duo: *turning blue*

Quatre: "Umm, shouldn't you let him get some oxygen?"

Me: "Hmm? Oh yea." *lets go, and heads over to a chest*

Duo: "Oxygen" *gasp* "Good" *gasp*

Wufei: "What areeee you doing?"

Me: *Pulls things out of a large chest* "You'll see."

Inu-chan: "Due to the violence that is about to appear, the scene shall be

cut out."

Me: "But you will still here the screams of mercy."

Quatre: "Nani?"

Inu-chan: *stands in front of curtain, waits for the scene to end*

Me: "Come back here!!!"

Wufei: "NEVER!!! INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!"

Heero: *Gun click can be heard."

Me: *click of remote can be heard."

Duo: "AHHH!! HEERO IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR GUN DISAPPEARED!!!"

Trowa: "Well this is....interesting."

Me: "Here are you outfits---COME BACK HERE!!!"

Quatre: "Thank you."

Trowa: "What in world are these?"

Quatre: "Ummm…I don't think we want to know." 

***A Few Minutes Later***

Me: *Stands smirking evilly* "And now for our audience's pleasure, I present the G-boys.

*The curtains slowly open revealing the G-boys in their band costumes (to view this pic go to website I'll later post)*

G-boys: *blankly look at audience*

Me: "Inu, cue the music."

*The music begins, easily recognized as Backstreet Boy's ???not sure which song this is - - () if you know please tell me, all I know is the spoof version.*

Yeahhh...

We are on fire.

We have desires.

But one is that way,

__

Heero: *raises his eyebrow*

One Gundam Boy is gay.

__

G-boys: *All stare at me*

Me: *Smiles and waves innocently*

But we don't want to be mean

Since now he's a queen 

Don't ask please:

"Which Gundam Boy is gay?"

Tell me who!

Ain't sayin' that it's Heero.

__

*all eyes turn to Heero, who does his super Yuy death glare*

Tell me who!

(Ain't sayin' that it's Duo)

__

Duo: - - ()

Wufei: *snickering*

Tell us who!

I never wanna hear you say:

"Which Gundam Boy is gay?"

Now I can see him

He's in women's clothes

__

Duo: "HAHAHA!!!" *picturing the G-boys doing this*

Me: *smirks, remembering pic I have seen of them doing this, I'll give the webby for this later, actually it's another anime about a girls academy at least that's what I've gathered from the pictures. But the thing is that the five girls in the picture look suspiciously like the Gundam Boys, I mean it they do. And they're acting like the G-boys to. The Wufei is angry, etc.*

But he don't need an IUD, yeahhh

He likes Village People

__

Me: "Note the capital letters."

He's playing croquet

His dog is a Pekinese

He is on fire

His back perspires

Won't say, won't say, won't say, WHO'S GAY!

He's always saying:

Ain't nothin' but a butt-ache

__

Quatre: "Nani?"

Others: "You don't want to know."

Ain't nothin but a fruitcake

I never wanna hear you say:(I never wanna here you say)

"Which one of us is gay?"

Tell me who!

(Ain't saying that it's Trowa)

__

Trowa:*remains expressionless*

Tell me who!

(Ain't saying Quatre)

__

Quatre: *blinks*

Tell me who!

He's bakin' up a soufflè

Which Gundam Boy is gay?

__

*The four G-boys whose names had been said before looked at each and nodded in agreement*

Ok, it's Wufei!

__

Wufei: "INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*The curtains closed, muffling Wufei's continuous cursing*

Me: Well that's it for now, I'll finish torturing them later. 

Inu-chan: "Does that mean you'll eventually stop?"

Me: "…No, but don't contradict the author. Please review. http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/backstreet.htm - if you wanna hear the spoof song 


	2. Don't Even Think About It

Chapter 2: Don't Even Think About It

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or *evil grin* the song that will be appearing in this lovely chapter. All I pray is that Heero does not kill me. Suing me is still futile since I still haven't won the lottery or gain inheritance from a mysterious millionaire relative. I hope ya all enjoy. Also to make this more enjoyable you can download the song, Rasputin by Boney M. from KaZaA or whatever you use to download music. Then you can read my lovely song parody and get the most of it because you'll know what it really sounds like. 

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Finally after Heero, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa had stopped laughing insanely and Wufei had stopped ranting about injustice they noticed that the girl was back to digging in the chest. "Umm…what are you doing?" questioned the blond. 

The girl looked at them with a wicked grin. "Who me? Nothing," She continued to remove clothes from the chest and lie them out. The G-boys stared at the five sets of clothing the author had set out with blank expressions.

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A Few Minutes Later; after the boys have been forced with much protesting into their new costumes. 

The music began, the author began bobbing her head with the music. The G-boys all got puzzled expressions on their faces. "What type is of music is this?!" declared Wufei.

"…If I didn't know better I would think it sounds like … Disco?" All eyes turned to Duo as he said this, except for the author who was trying hard not to laugh.

"I think it sounds somewhat Russian." 

The floor lit up in multicolor flashing squares. "…….You're kidding, ne?"

"Not at all Trowa, now guys you know you're parts. Remember if you aren't good then It happens." The boys all shuddered, but no one made a move to dance. The author shot a glare. 

Duo and Trowa began dancing, both were wearing white polyester disco suits with the large turned out collars. Quatre blinked. Wufei chuckled. The author turned to the harem girls….the boys dressed to appear like harem girls. "Dance."

"Injustice! I refuse!" Quatre took notice of the evil gleam in the author's eyes and quickly began dancing. Wufei just continued to fume. Inu-chan sweatdropped. The author took out her lovely magically terribly useful remote. *CLICK*

"AHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?! INJUSTICE!!!" Quatre, Duo, and Trowa stared at poor Wufei.

"Dance, or I won't fix you later." Wufei muttered dangerously but began dancing. The three other boys didn't stop staring and the author joined in…

"Hey, Wufei you're good at this." Duo remarked with a snicker.

"Wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. Must remember to force Wufei to dance more often." stated the author as she rubbed her eyes, Inu-chan made a note to remind the author. Wufei meanwhile had turned red.

"Shutup!! I just wanna get this over with!" Everyone nodded, and at last the lyrics began…well sort of. 

Trowa & Duo: "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" _Yelled Trowa and Duo in unison as they did the Russian kick thingy. Quatre stopped dancing, and blinked. Wufei watched blankly but kept dancing._

Duo: "There lived a certain man in Prussia long ago." _A spotlight went on Heero who was in the center of the dancing floor and wearing a black no sleeved open jacket and jeans. Super Heero Yuy Death Glare._

Quatre & Wufei: "He was big and strong and his eyes were flaming blue." _Wufei sang in somewhat a monotone voice until the author shoot another glare._

Trowa: "Most people looked at him with terror and with fear,"

Quatre & Wufei: "But to fangirl chicks he was such a lovely dear." _Fangirls in audience continue busily cheering. Heero twitches. _

Quatre & Wufei: "He could preach the bible like a preacher full of ecstasy and fire," _Heero raised his eyebrow._

Quatre & Wufei in somewhat are suppose to be low seductive voices: "But he also was the kind of teacher vomen vould desire." _Duo tried to hold back insane laughter. _

G-boys, except Heero: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Lover of the Earthen Queen!" _Heero twitches. The author holds up a sign with Relena's face on it, the audience begin throwing tomatoes. _

4 G-boys:"There was a cat that really was gone." _Heero growls and pulls off fake cat ears. _

4 G-Boys: Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Prussia's greatest love machine! It was a shame how he carried onnnnnnnnn!" _Heero pulled out gun, and author quickly clicked the remote, thus leaving Heero weaponless. Duo was turning red from holding back laughter, Wufei was on the ground laughing. Trowa had a smirk on his face and Quatre was sweatdropping. _

Duo: There lived a Prussian man who never mind Czar," 

Wufei & Quatre: "But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar!" 

Trowa: "In all affairs of state, he was the man to please"

Wufei who barely manages to get this line out between hysterical laughter & Quatre: "But he was real great with he had a girl to squeeze!" _Heero X_x…and than jumped Wufei. Wufei gasped for oxygen. Relena skipped out onto the stage, Heero stopped strangling Wufei to stare at Relena in horror._

Quatre & Duo:"For the queen he was no wheeler dealer," _Wufei unable to sing at the moment so Duo replaced him on author orders. _

Duo: "Though she'd hear the things he'd done." _Relena glomped a struggling Heero. _

Quatre: "She believed he was a holy healer," _Duo absentmindedly pictures Heero in a white tunic with a halo and wings, even a harp ". . ." He burst out laughing uncontrollably. _

Wufei: "Who would have her son!" _Wufei yelled out, changing the words. Relena's eyes go starry as she pictures small Prussian blue-eyed children. Heero tries to get his hands on the gun he stuck in his boot. _

4 G-boys: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Lover of the Earthen Queen!" _Heero finally got hands onto his gun //Not for long//, he chortled evilly as he clicked the gun._

4 G-boys: "There was a cat that really was gone." _Heero aimed the gun._

4 G-boys: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Prussia's greatest love machine!" _Relena happily turned around, she looked at the gun in Heero's hand. She blinked and than jumped Heero - guess she got use to Heero to pointing guns at her head. _

4 G-boys: "It was a shame how he carried onnnnnnnnn!" _ Heero looked frantically around for a means of escaping Relena's evil grasp._

__

Musical interlude.

Duo: "But when his killing, and lusting," _Relena is dragged off, since she is no longer needed, Heero remained motionless._

Wufei: "and his hunger for power" 

Quatre: "became known to more and more people"

Trowa: "the demands to do something about this outrageous man" 

4 G-boys: "became louder and louder!" _Heero laid on the ground twitching._

Trowa & Duo: "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"_ As Trowa and Duo did the Russian kick again Quatre and Wufei helped Heero up and tried to bring him back to life somewhat so he could do the end of the song. Both looked pityingly at the pink lipstick stains on the Perfect Soldier's traumatized face. _

Duo: "This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies." _Heero seems to have resumed his calm composure._

Quatre & Wufei: "But the fangirls begged: Don't you try to do it please!" _The Perfect Soldier doesn't react //Must complete mission.//_

Trowa: "No doubt this Heerotin had lots of hidden charms,"

Wufei & Quatre: "Though he was a brute, they just fell into his arms." _Heero visibly shudders._

Wufei & Duo: "Then one night some men of higher standing," _Quatre is now wearing an Arabian King outfit, trying to appear evil with little success. Fangirls awwwed. _

Wufei & Duo: "Set a trap and they're not to blame,"LOOK UP

Quatre: "Come to visit us." they kept demanding ," _Heero mutters "Mission accepted." and marches over to Quatre._

Duo & Wufei: "And he really came!!!"

Trowa, Wufei, & Duo: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Lover of the Earthen Queen!" _Heero's face remains blank._

3 G-boys: "They put some poison into his wine." _Quatre pours pink lemonade powder in a glass of grape juice. _

3 G-boys: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Prussia's greatest love machine! He drank it all and said:"_ Heero looks suspiciously at the glass of grape *cough* wine and sips it._

Heero: "I feel fine."

Duo, Wufei & Trowa: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Lover of the Earthen Queen! They didn't wait, they wanted his head!"_ Quatre blinked and looked at his loyal followers who were pretending to sharpen swords._

Wufei, Trowa & Duo: "Ra! Ra! Heerotin! Prussia's greatest love machine! And so they shot him till he was deaaaaaaaad!" _Heero quickly exited stage left with Quatre's followers following him. Quatre sweatdropped and than began drinking the pink lemonade/grape/wine._

Mysterious Voice: "Oh, those Prussians."

__

The music fades off.

Quatre had turned a pink color and was giggling. Trowa inspected "the grape juice" and raised his eyebrow. "…This is the real stuff…" Duo's eyes lit up and grabbed the bottle, and slowly approached Wufei.

"Stay away from me!!!" The author blinked remembering something. CLICK - sound of remote. And thus Wufei was back to his normal form. Duo crept closer to Wufei. Heero ran by at full speed, the Quatre's henchmen hot on his heels, he appeared to be looking for some vehicle he break into and drive off to safety or at least a loaded gun.

The author turned towards the readers, "Thank you for reading the newest installment of this little fic. I hope you enjoyed and please R&R. Oh yea next episode will probably either have a song parody dedicated to the whole group or to one of the other boys."


	3. Get a Job

Chapter 3: Get a Job

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of the songs that appear in this fic, Inu-chan, in fact the only thing in this fic the remotely belongs to me is me. At least I hope so. I'm not making a profit for this fic. Don't sue me, cause I'm in a bad mood and you really don't want an angry author after you. 

Stares at the author. "You don't seem to be your usual cheerful self Becki."

"I'm cheerful, look I'm smiling." Inu-chan sweatdrops. "Now if we have no interruptions I'll begin this fic.…Enjoy. ^^

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"Grrrrrr…" The author enters the room stomping. The G-boys stare blankly at her. "I hate my life."

"Why?" asks the blond innocently. The author slowly turns to Quatre, death glare.

"Because it hates me." She twitches. Quatre blinks. "First of all I lost my glove after I went onto le quai (the platform) and it's friggin' cold outside. So than I went out of the train station thinking, I probably dropped it on the staircase because that's where I took it off. Of course it wasn't there so I went back down the stairs and swiped my school metro through the turnstile." She twitches once more. "And the stupid thing said just used. I only had a ten dollar bill so I had to break it using the metro machine, thus getting 6 golden dollars, which I find useless and a pure pain and a four dollar metro." She gives an insane smirk. "Now here's what broke the camel's back…when I went to use the newly bought metro I decided, just for the heck of it (to see if the gods really hated that much), to use my school metro." The author has now gained a popping vein. "And of course it work!!!" The boys edge away from the author.

"Are you sure you should be working on a fanfic in this condition Becki?" Inu-chan nervously asked. The author turns to Inu-chan.

"Yes…..now shutup before I hurt you." Inu-chan frantically nods and quickly scampers off. "Now onto to the latest song parody. I'm sooo tempted to do a really evil one, but I decided to do one that let off a bit of my aggression." The boys sigh in slight relief. "But don't worry my lovely guinea pigs, the next one will provide enough blackmail to force even Wufei to wear pink." 

The boys: 0_o

"What!! Never, woman!" 

"Be quiet and put on your costumes." Strained smile. She points at the clothes that she laid out before. The boys meekly nod, all of them and quickly go to get on their costumes. Quatre's followers look blankly at the author, all have knives and guns in hand that they were going to use on Heero, and not to mention a plaque to put his head on. Author glares at them and clicks remote, they vanish. "Now G-boys, off the stage." And they obey. Curtain opens and music begins.

__

Duo waltzes onto the stage wearing his usual all black outfit, but his cap is on backwards. He smirks and waves to the crowd and lifts his microphone.

Duo: "My friend's got a stalker and he hates that bitch!" _Wufei walks onto the stage wearing the same outfit as Duo except the hat because someone has stuck his hair up in a mowhawk using some sort of gel. He glares at the crowd._

Wufei: "He tells me every day." _Duo stares at Wufei's mowhawk snickering._

Duo: "He says:"_ Wufei takes a step to the left and Duo to the right. Heero walks up between them, he is also wearing all black, tank top and those spandex shorts._

Heero: "Man, I really got lose that chick, in the worse kind way!"_ Takes out gun, shoots a conveniently placed cardboard Relena in the head. Crowd cheers._

Duo: "She adores his ass," _Duo grins wickedly. Heero points gun at Duo. Quatre enters from the right side of the stage wearing a black T-shirt, shorts, and an angled white hat._

Quatre: "He works his gundam to the bone," _Trowa enters stage left wearing a black turtleneck, and pants. Author clicks remote, Heero's gun disappeared._

Trowa: "To try get her away every day day" Duo looks blankly at me. _"Day, day?" Author pouts with a tinge of glare. "It's not my fault I couldn't think of something good to replace with payday."_

Wufei: "But she wants more Heerono,"_ Heero twitches._

Quatre: "Just to stay at home." _Duo walks over to Heero. He than smiles cheerfully and waves his index finger. Heero raises his eyebrow._

Duo: "Well, my friend you've got to say:" _All boys wrap each other arms around each other shoulders, Heero in the middle._

Trowa & Quatre: "I want aid!"

Wufei & Duo: "I want aid!"

Heero: "No way!!" _The perfect soldier never needs help._

4 G-boys: Now why dontcha get a life?! _Heero-popping vein._

Heero: "Say, no waaaay!!"

4 G-boys: "Say, no waaaaaaaay." _The other boys sing mimicking Heero._

4 G-boys: "No waaaay!"_ Duo snickers, Wufei snorts."_

4 G-boys: "Now why dontcha get a life?!"

Heero: "I have so so many," _Author holds up sign "He's means he has many guns". _

Wufei: "Well it doesn't help much." _Heero slowly approaches Wufei, cracking his knuckles. _

Quatre: "To keep her bill collectors at bay." _Quatre looks puzzled. Heero stops, and blinks. Duo turns to author. "Lack of rhymes?" Author sighs and nods. "Could think of anything, that rhymed with bill collectors that had anything do with Relena." Audience boos and hisses at the sound of her name. _

Heero: "I have so so many," _He thinks to self //Or at least I would if the damn author would stop making them disappear//. Author turns and glares at Heero. Heero keeps a blank face. "You know, Heero, I'm an omnipotent author.." "Ch'......"_

Wufei: "Well it doesn't help much,"

Duo: "Cause that girls got psychotic taste!" _Duo pats Heero on the back, Heero Yuy Death Glare. Relena scampers on stage, momentarily escaping the guards that dragged her off before. Heero's eyes widen. _

Trowa & Quatre: "He wants aid!" _ Heero runs away from Relena._

Wufei & Duo: "He wants aid!"_ Relena hugs the guts out of Heero. "Lets get married, Hee-kun." _

Heero: "No waaaaay!!"_ The boys watch poor Heero, no one getting to close in fear of the dark pink princess's attacks. _

4 G-boys: "Now why dontcha get a life?!" _"Now stay still." Relena tries to plant on the Heero. The fangirls hiss._

Heero: "Say, no way!" _Heero squirms, petrified Relena is dragged off in ropes by guards, Heero sighs in relief._

4 G-boys: "Say, no way!" 

4 G-boys "No waaaaay!" 

4 G-boys "Now why dontcha get a life?!"

Duo: "Well I guess it's not easy stalking him at all."_ Music fades._

"Do you have something against Heero?" Bangs that defy gravity boy asks. The author shakes her head.

"It was a song that just went with Heero." She shrugs. "But, anyways, the next one won't be about him for sure." Grins evilly at Wufei.

"Well you seem to be in a better mood, Becki."

The girl looks down at the small demon. "Yuppy."

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Thus concludes the third chapter. I hoped you liked it, and I'm sorry that it was another Heero song, but I was in a bad mood and that song just worked. Well must be going to write a lovely little song for Wufei.


End file.
